Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
