...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
