i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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