They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
