Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Found your dick twin last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
