I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i dont even know how to be here
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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