I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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