Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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