guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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