He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
