Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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