U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
