Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
