Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
