It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
