party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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