Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
