bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
