i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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