there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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