The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
