Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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