how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
