I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
