Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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