I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
