My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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