Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
