Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ketchup is God's man juice
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
