ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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