Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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