meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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