OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
