im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
