I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
