IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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