Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
