matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Couch. On fire.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
