My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
