I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
