a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
