Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
