So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
