conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
