the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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