So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
