I met the friendliest cop last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
