A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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