i used baking grease as lip gloss
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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