so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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