I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
